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Tuesday, January 03, 2006
ABC's of ex-wives
A is for Alimony ... the gift that keeps on giving.
B is for Balls ... which are now ours again.
C is for Court ... where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw.
D is for Divorce ... the alternative to ax murder.
E is for Equitable Distribution ... another oxymoron.
F is for Flatulence ... finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.
G is for Gandhi ... someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie.
H is for House ... which the bitch also got.
I is for Inmate ... where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late.
J is for Jewelry ... the former great equalizer.
K is for Kids ... the best of everything.
L is for Lawyer ... whose most recent vacation you just paid for.
M is for Mother ... and Oh what a Mother F**ker!
N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.
O is for Overdrawn ... what your checking account always was.
P is for PMS ... what we say: "No, honey, you don't look like you're retaining water." . . . what we mean, "No wonder there's a citywide drought."
Q is for Quarter ... what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets.
R is for Rehearsal Dinner ... should never have stayed for dessert.
S is for Sex ... thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.
T is for Throat ... the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement.
U is for UPS ... the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did.
V is for Visa ... one of several cards she maxed out.
W is for Wrong ... which you always were.
X is for X chromosome ... I swear some women have more than two!
Y is for Yacht ... maybe the next guy will have one.
Z is for Zirconium ... I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.
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